I can feel the blood rushing to my head pulsating in my ears like a marching band as I lie down. The world swims in and out of focus as I strain to stay lucid focusing with all my might. Sounds are distorted, muffled cries ebbing away into the distance and then everything blurs in front of me. Colours merging like wet paint running down the canvas. What is happening to me? I try to talk but my mouth has become disconnected from my brain and the words aren’t coming out right. Hello, hello can you hear me is anyone there?
I know the answer but I ask anyway imploring, anyone, someone to reply. But they won’t. There isn’t anyone to reply and the pulsating in my ears is getting louder and faster. The faster it goes the quicker it is pulling me under drowning me in its beat and sweeping me along with its rhythmic tune
I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. I can feel it’s grip tightening and I succumb to emptiness and take my rest in the bosom of darkness. And there I stay. Comforted by the vast nothingness that fills the void where I lay. Just nothing but me and deep dark nothing.
But the pulsating rhythm is still there. Refusing to let me be. It’s changing. A swooshing sound now but it’s still there. It’s methodical beat providing the soundtrack to my escape into the darkness whilst arousing me from the slumber I fell into.
Suddenly the darkness isn’t so comforting and the beat is speeding up. The swoosh sound of the tune increasing becoming more frantic as I take in where I am. I can’t see anything there is nothing. I can’t see and the nothingness is taking my breath away and suffocating me to the melody in my head. I turn my head looking, searching for something, anything but there nothing. How do you escape nothing can you out run it? Can I even move? I need to go, to run away now. Faster, I need to be faster, I need to leave this place but I don’t even how I ended up here.
Help me please I’m screaming now but the sounds have faded into the dark already, extinguished instantly. I feel the fire roar from deep inside me setting my whole body alight. My senses screaming with the sensation, my body screaming to be let free. I drop to my knees to think, I need to think. I put my hands to my head and prepare to fight. I lift my head and turn my face above and I let it out. All of it. And it keeps coming, every bit of raw emotion expelled in my quest to be free. But I can’t be free. I am broken and I belong to the darkness.
My eyelids flutter as they succumb, the last part of me still fighting and then I see it.
Thanks for reading. I seem to be a bit obsessed about fighting my way out of the dark recently don’t I but as I lie in bed falling asleep these are the random thoughts going through my head before I fall asleep. I would love to know if this connected with you in anyway and how? Or if you think it needs any improvement at all. I am always open to constructive feedback 🙂