Have heart, have faith, have courage.
I just kept walking. I had walked for miles, hours, time had since lost any meaning. Blue skies changed. Slowly the darkness seeped through the clouds and diluted the colour until all that was left was a murky grey blanket speckled with flashes of orange and red as the dying embers from the sun slowly disappeared from view.
Yet on I walked. I hadn’t noticed the ground change. The heavy, sticky tarmac had long changed. The black had ran into a lush green landscape. One decorated with an array of colours bursting out from the canvas it provided which in turn gave way to the sandy entrance of the cities shoreline. The hills remained giving definition and character to the picturesque scene unfolding, only now they were yellow decorated with reeds swaying in time with the breeze as if dancing to a tune only they could hear.
I took in my surroundings as my pace slowed, reality dawning on me and dragging me back into it’s harsh setting once more. I was far away now this I knew but somehow it would never be far enough. Space, time, it was all relative and no amount of distance would bring me what I sought tonight.
But I couldn’t carry on. My feet cried out in pain as I sunk once more into the sand as it welcomed me to it’s home. My toes dug gently into the warmth still lingering from the late September heat in the evening air. Stay, sit, join me it cooed. My body, weary and broken, accepted the invitation readily and I nestled myself between the rustling leaves welcoming their shelter. Selfishly taking advantage the privacy they so freely gave me.
I was here. Although I didn’t know where here was and how I became to be here. My mind was becoming hazy, foggy, like the incoming tide was washing away my memory with each rolling wave that crashed in front of me. Pulling the fragments away slowly like the pebbles that disappeared from the waters edge. I willed them to stay, I needed to know, to remember why I was here. I couldn’t lose it all now. I had come too far.
But my will was broken, memories gone. I succumbed to the rhythmic flow of the movements around me. I couldn’t resist any longer and my shelter was becoming unstable as the air whipped its walls and forced them apart. My face burnt from the chill off the increasing winds. The saltiness from the sea settled onto my skin.
Yet still I remained. Still, frozen, as one. I was here.
Then I felt it. I was focused, strong, empowered. And as the elements roared into life around me I waited with quiet confidence. Until I was ready. It was now. There would be no more running, no escaping, no fear. I would stand tall, silently beckoning my future, my destiny, my me.
I could hear it now, they told me I would but I wasn’t ready, I would never be ready I cried. And I cried until all my tears had dried up and my body heaved from exhaustion. I was broken, ready to give in. To admit defeat and turn my back on it all. I remembered now. I remember it all.
Where I had been, where I had come from. Suddenly in that one second, time stopped. Exactly as predicted, my whole being stood before me. Ejected and elevated it rose from within like a phoenix rising from the ashes once more. Proud and majestic and ready to make my mark on the world. I arose. I shed my fears and broke free from behind the green blades I no longer needed to protect me. My body tingled, the buzz electrifying my blood as it fizzed through my body setting me alight for the first time in years.
I glanced around the seemingly deserted beach as my body regained it’s strength and composure. My back tall, head raised and eyes alert, I could see them all. Cloaked in veils of ivory, the sheer fabric fusing with their skin giving the illusion of liquid surrounding them. Like in my dreams. The one who had gone before me. But this time I wasn’t afraid. I was here and I was ready. Drawing my strength from theirs that they were so freely giving me, I took a step forward into life.