I just stood there. Just looking into the big black cavity before me. If I stand here long enough will I suddenly become part of the blackness. Swallowed never to be seen again becoming part of the vast expanse in front of me? I can’t move away from it I think, or is that I don’t want to move away from it? I’m not sure, I’m not sure of anything anymore you know since………….. well since that.
‘That’ is what we call it now. As if not saying what it really is will make it somehow magically disappear. Like if you just don’t say the name nothing bad can happen a bit like his name who you don’t say in Harry Potter and look how well that turned out for everyone. Yet still we just don’t say it. Sweep it under the carpet with the rest of the cobwebs and skeletons you don’t want anyone else to know about. Because nothing bad can happen if no one knows can it?
But you see it’s just not working for me. ‘That’, this, the empty blackness in front of me. It has to all be related doesn’t it and it wants me now, I can feel it. It’s luring me, enticing me with it’s promise to make it all go away. And I really, really do want it all to go away. Someone please, can’t you see it? Why can’t you see it? I look around the room, at all their faces and back to the black. They can’t see it. I’m starting to panic a little bit now and I can feel it stretching it’s arms out to me. I step back into the room with a jolt and force myself to take my eyes away once and for all.
I’m not looking now but I can still feel it. I put one foot in front of the other and try to make my way towards them. Their smiles, they beckon me, I can feel warmth radiating from each and every one of them I can feel it getting stronger and more powerful with each step I take. But the darkness, it’s still there, taunting me, laughing at me and my feeble attempts to escape it’s clutches. My head is telling me not to fight it. It will be easier to give in and in that split second I hesitate. I stop. The tears filled my eyes and my whole body is shaking as I try to fight it. But I can’t can I, how can I win when I am just me? What power do I have to out run this, to shut it out and rip open the curtains that are and always have been shielding me from the light.
I feel someones hand on mine. Did I make it? Am I there? I can’t look, what if all I see is darkness? And in that moment I know. I know my head is wrong, my heart doesn’t want this. It beats solely for the light, it needs the light, I need the light. Taking a deep breath I muster all I have inside me, push my head up and open my eyes.
I have been struggling with something new for a little while now. I have pieces written in drafts but nothing is resonating with me and I think that is where this piece has come from? I know I have been writing YA supernatural fiction but I want you take this piece and apply it to how it makes you feel? What is the ‘that’, what has happened? And what is the darkness? What, if anything, does it represent to you?