The Secret Battle

woman in the dark with hands in front of face

It’s been so long since something just popped into my head and I wrote. I have really missed doing this. Expressing myself and being able to share it with you all. I would love to know how this made you feel, what it meant to you as you read it. To me, it represents that feeling I get when I get anxious. When I get overwhelmed or scared be it meeting new people or being in situations that make me nervous. (Photo by Melanie Wasser on Unsplash )

The Secret Battle.

I can feel it
creeping up,
like something stuck in my throat.
There, unseen but just as real.
In me, on me, everywhere.
I can feel it.

I start shaking as it grips me
heart pounding
can’t.breathe.
It’s in the air
heavy,
thick,
stagnant.
I’m suffocating.
I can’t, I just can’t.

I inhale,
Steady myself.
One breath at a time
and I count.
One,
two,
three,
four.
Slowly does it.

I close my eyes
and listen.
Listen to my heart
as it explodes out of my chest.
Feel the air
as it whooshes out of my lungs.
And I stop, stay like this.
And just breathe.

But it’s still there
the fear.
All consuming,
intoxicating.
Sucking me in.
Into the dark,
the loneliness.
And I can’t escape

It’s heavy,
so heavy as it languishes in the air.
Weighing me down,
sucking me dry as it crawls under my skin.
I need to push it off,
away.
But I can’t
so there it stays.

So again I breathe,
one,
two,
three,
four,

Slowly I can feel it,
the air dissipating,
releasing me.
The fog
lifted,
evaporating,
leaving me be.
Once more, I can breathe.

I lift my head,
open my eyes.
Nothing,
I feel nothing.
I’m free.
I won.
This time.

Once more I breathe.
Close my eyes.
Steady my hands
and push through.
Breakaway.
Today I can leave it behind.
Today it didn’t win.
I didn’t let it win.

So there I stand,
alone. Just me.
As I bask in the calm
as it rushes through my veins.
Restoring balance,
restoring peace,
restoring me.
I open my eyes and I smile.

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