How long have I been walking?
Where am I?
Let’s go for a walk you said,
Clear your head you said,
I can’t have gone that far can I
It is getting cold now though maybe I should just turn back. I think I’ll just rest for a while. Look at the sunset. Watch the sun light the sky in magnificent shades of red and orange warming up the evening air.
Well hello Mr moon I can see you up there watching over us, taking in all the drama like a a director ready to yell CUT at any moment. Let me tell you I’m ready. I’m ready for this scene to be over with. To have my make up retouched, to be told no. I don’t want it done like that, do it again like this. I want the slate to wiped clean, for the past 24 hours to be cut out and left on the editing room floor. For a new happy ending to be written.
But as I play it over in my head I know, I just know that when darkness falls all that will happen, if I’m lucky, is that the pause button will be pressed till morning. On hold, waiting for morning to arrive.
This seat is starting to feel cold, best get a move on hey no point hanging around here any more.
And off I go. I walk back with only the butterflies in my stomach for company, threatening to take over me if I don’t keep them under control. I know what’s caused this im well aware of why I’m here but the question remains is it worth going back to. Where am I going back to and do I want to.
“Real people don’t just do that you know, real people get on with it whether they like it or not”.
I find my self pinching my arm as if I have to convince myself I am real. Damn im cold why in the heat of the moment didn’t I think to grab a jacket.
Yep I’m real and I’m going to have the bruise to prove it.
But you know what why does my real life have to be THAT real life. In my real life people didn’t do what THEY just did. In my real life I wouldn’t want people like them telling me how to live my life.
Oh god I’ve stopped again. I need to figure this out. US out. Me out.
I steady myself, calm my nerves. Squashing the sobs back inside, they don’t deserve them, not worthy of them. If I don’t let them out it didn’t happen and my heart won’t shatter.
Hold on what’s this in my pocket?
I’m now aware that after getting home earlier I’d shoved the keys in my jeans pocket.
I smile to myself. Let’s go back. Let’s go back to them, to that. I can do this. I can really do this.
I feel like skipping but I settle for speed walking.
I take a deep breath and listen. They’ve gone out. So I quietly let myself in. I grab my passport and my purse. And a jacket I go over to the dining table and grab a pen.
This time I skipped. Out the house and down the path. I watched the sun finally bid us goodnight and I said hello to Mr moon. Would you like to join me I asked it’s going to be fun.
Keys in hand I settled myself down in the battered run around I called my car. I glanced back at the already alien house and said my goodbyes and I swear it spoke to me. I smiled. I nodded my head.
I didn’t need them and I didn’t need to just get on with it. I mean I had somewhere to be. I had things to do and the first one would be cashing in this winning lottery ticket I had found earlier, 12 million pounds was going to buy me a whole new real life!