Returning To Life
It’s been a while since I have felt on top of things. I got caught up in the cycle of being too tired to do anything and I mean anything. My house was starting to look like I was competing for Britain’s Worst Hoarder! No joke. ‘I’m too tired’ I would say. ‘I’ll do it tomorrow’ Tomorrow became next week. Next week became next month. When does it all stop? When is enough actually enough? Who knows?
I retreated inwards, became my own world just me and her. The two of us against the world. Sitting in a mess of our creation like all was well in the world and this was how everyone kept house. It’s so easy to get lost in that world. To pretend it didn’t matter to come to love the wallowing and the perfect me shaped hole forming around you on the sofa isn’t it. To lose your mojo, your get up and go and not be a teensy bit bothered about if it was ever coming back.
And that’s how we stayed. Day in day out. Days, turning into nights blurred into each other lost in the back drop to yet another Netflix boxset. This is life, this is my life and life can’t be changed can it? I can’t I told myself I just can’t things are just fine.
“Ah, I see just fine are they. Yes, yes I get it now but………surely there is are better things to be than fine”
The cycle kept spinning unable, unsure of how to break it I continued to let spin me around in it’s safe cocoon of denial and chaos. Sofa getting comfier, the real world fading into the distance, human contact achieved only during working hours and a child neglected of any real quality time with a parent who was simply “too tired” to put things right. But surely she deserves better doesn’t she.
She deserves more than just getting on in life. To know more than well, this is it honey this is the world. She needs a good example. A positive role model and to experience the world, not through a screen but for real in real life. With her eyes, her hands, her body her whole life to be cherished and explored as she to explores the whole wide world around her.
So we got up. We cleaned up. And put an action plan in place that would help me, us to regain control of our lives. To live them as they were intended to the fullest. A child like innocence took over and all manner of fun things to do where created. But baby steps where needed first. Slow small steps so as not to overwhelm to but enjoy and saviour and prepare for life itself.
I felt stronger, calmer, happier dare I say but then Rome wasn’t build in a day and nor could I fix it all at once. But I was am getting there slowly one small step at a time and each step is surely regaining it’s bounce.
Comments
I can definitely relate to this! It is hard to push on and get organised/out and about when you're so tired. I am trying hard to get on top of everything and show Lily the world too. Well done for being strong, a lovely meaningful post which was great to read xxxx
What a good idea to resolve to get things sorted and then do it. Well done you xx
A beautiful honest post. I am so glad you are feeling better and moving forward. That is the hardest thing to do. Kaz x
Fantastic piece of writing, Tracey. I completely relate to some of it x
The time is the weirdest thing out there… sometimes it can really turns days into weeks or months and we can hardly notice.
Well done on fighting the tiredness you have proven that fatigue cannot stop you from being the best possible mum you can!
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This reminds me of that old Chinese proverb: 'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step'. x
This is beautifully written, wiriting about something really help me to focus, and looking for the positives, even the small ones helps too
I enjoyed reading your piece. It is no mean feat to keep on top of chores and it is so easy to get bogged down by them. I realised the best way was to focus on one small task at a time every day. x
When ever things get so on top of us and we can't cope (happens to be a lot) then baby steps are the way to go. x
Really good piece and I can relate to parts of this xx
Yey!!! It can be done. Stay positive and keep up the writing, as it will help too.
Yey!!! It can be done. Stay positive and keep up the writing, as it will help too.
A great piece of writing and I can completely relate to it in some ways myself. x
What great writing – its nice to interpret your thoughts – sometimes putting them out there helps with the process.
So well written, the tiredness can overtake our life if we let it. Good luck with the little steps xx
Well done on fighting the tiredness, though I hope you find a happy medium x
This is a great piece of writing – I can totally relate to the feeling that everything is just too much to get started on.
Great piece, very relatable. I hope things are improving for you now.
I love this post, and your writing is beautiful. I think so many mums can relate to this, I know I can. x
I am so pleased to read that things are moving in the right direction for you now 🙂 #Prose4T
Really well written – you pulled me into your experience. Glad things are looking up for you and it sounds like you are master of your destiny once more. x
This is a fabulous piece of writing. I have to empathise with so much of this – I completely get it. I hope everything is improving for you now. Thanks for linking to Prose for Thought x
Well written and well done on fighting back at the tiredness 🙂
want meaningful words, I hope everything is back on track for you now, thanks for sharing with #readwithme