Do I Need a Man to Make Me Happy?

couple in love with heads together in front ot water and sun shining between them

Recently it was put to me that maybe it was time to get myself out and looking for a man? Those that know me will know the reaction I gave to that. For those that don’t, it was an eyebrow raise and a seriously?!?!?! remark. But that raises an important question, doesn’t it. In 2019 is it still thought that having a partner is what makes you happy and dare I say it, complete? That somehow, the default setting is of being in a couple. And that is the ONLY way you can have happiness and/or contentment in a way that being single can’t reproduce and we should always strive to find ‘our other half’ for this reason. Honestly, do I really need a man to make me happy?

For context, I have been single for 7 years now. I have been apart from Olivia’s dad for 10 years this year and in the few years that followed, I dabbled in a few new relationships, mostly away from Olivia with my last relationship ending around 7 years ago this year, May I think ish. It is actually around 7 years ago this month (Jan), that I met him.

single red rose lying on book pagesPhoto by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

It was a brief online thing. He lived locally and if I am completely honest, we didn’t really gel too well. We both knew it. But we gave it a good 5 months or so before he totally ghosted me after a particularly awkward evening. Of course, back then I didn’t know I had been ghosted – I’m not sure it was a term back then but that is what happened. To be honest, after that, I pretty much decided dating wasn’t for me and I was going to give it up for a little while.

A little while later brings us to today.

7 years on and there I was, sat there being asked if I think I should get out there and meet a man. The thing is, it would probably do me good on some level to get out there and meet new people. But being alone for so long and building an insular relationship almost with Olivia at home has nurtured the introvert in me. She has become at home and comfortable in her own life. And honestly, I love it! The pressure has long since been removed and, right now, I wonder am I too old to do that all over again? Can I even be bothered to start dating again after all this time?

Do I Need A Man To Make Me Happy?

I am able to do a lot of things I want to when I want to without consulting anyone else, my social life doesn’t revolve around my Netflix account (OK, honestly, let’s say 50/50) and me sobbing into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s wondering where I went wrong and why I am alone *sob (BTW most single people I know do not do this! Is it just a movie thing?).

I don’t feel in any way that I missing out right now on anything in particular by not being in a relationship. I am still able to enjoy things like going out, watching a movie, seeing a live show or concert without feeling that I simply can’t enjoy it because I’m single.

But that isn’t the point here, is it?

The point is, what is it that is so wrong with being single that people look at you as if there is a problem with you for preferring to be single and not in a relationship? This way of thinking is so ingrained in our psyche that in 2019 it is still thought that you NEED another person to be committed to, to be in any way at all happy and you know what, I don’t think that is healthy at all.

I am a strong believer in being able to love yourself first and foremost before letting anyone else have or take that love from you. Sure, this kind of wisdom comes with age and experience but being in a relationship for the sake of it? Not for me thank you, this is something I feel I have always carried with me. If it doesn’t feel right or isn’t working then ending things is the right way to go about it.

Being in a relationship isn’t and should never be a marker for how happy you can be.

girl with curly hair wearing sunglasses standing in road with a denim jacket on, arms folded in front of her with a star wars tshirt showing under the jacketPhoto by Philipe Cavalcante on Unsplash

No one should get the choice or even be given the choice to make this decision for you. Each and every one of us is capable of finding our own happiness. Whether in a relationship or being single and this shouldn’t be solely based on your love life at all.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think people should not want to be in a relationship or even stop looking for love. Not at all. Personally, I feel that all our current and future happiness or even successes shouldn’t be because we do or don’t have a partner. We are all capable of being our own person and creating and enjoying our own lives, should we choose this be on our own, in a couple or as a group. We shouldn’t be afraid of ending up single forever. Nor should we be scared of being happy in our own lives without a significant other in it.

Being single IS NOT something to be ashamed of. Being single DOES NOT mean you CANNOT be happy. Being single IS a choice. If that is a lifestyle I, you or anyone else wants to have then our decisions should be respected without having other people’s opinions forced upon us all the time just for not choosing to *’find a man’*.

*Or partner – this statement reiterates what was recently said to me not my beliefs. Love is love regardless of gender*
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  1. Well said! And while I’m not sure I can comment too much, given that I’ve been married since I was in my early twenties, I 100% agree with you that it should never be an option to be in a relationship just for the sake of it. Relationships take time and resources so you should only be there if you want to be – otherwise those resources can be better used making yourself happy. I don’t think many people enjoy being alone, but you don’t have to be in a romantic relationship to be surrounded by people – you have your daughter, and then there are friends and work colleagues, and next door neighbours, etc. Being single does not have to mean being lonely or unfulfilled or incomplete and we need to get away from this toxic idea, which pushes people into relationships that are not suitable and actually can make them very unhappy.

    Sorry for the rambly comment! But someone else obviously enjoyed your post too because they chose to share it for you at the BlogCrush linky. Hurrya! Feel free to pop over and collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge #blogcrush

  2. Tracey this is brilliant!!! I was single for a decade and people kind of pity you but I really like it (people think you are fibbing about that too to save face but I’m not it’s totally true. i must admit of late there is a bit of a love interest but it’s long didtance so works perfectly for me because i still have all my wn time , and space and netflix choices! love this post! #blogcrush

  3. I couldn’t agree more on this. I know a particular person who is the very opposite – it seems that she cannot function unless she is in a relationship and some of them have been so toxic. I wish she would take some time out just to be alone and spend some time getting to know herself first. you are totally doing the right thing here – only get involved with someone when you are ready, not to please other people. if you are happy with your life with your daughter, then why change a good thing?! #blogcrush

  4. I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU. YOU DON’T NEED A MAN TO BE HAPPY. BEING SINGLE IS A CHOICE AND IF THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY YOU SHOULD KEEP IT THAT WAY! WE SHOULD ALL DO WHAT IS BEST FOR US. GREAT POST! 🙂 X #KCACOLS

  5. I met my husband at 16 so haven’t spent one day as an adult single. I have always been afriad of being alone – as i have no experience of it. But as I get older I think I have got more comfortable in my own company. There shouldn’t be any stigma around being single – and happiness is within us all – it’s really a case of mindset xx

  6. I was a single mummy for 8 years and it wasn’t easy but being in a relationship now is weird. i say weird, because i got used to not taking into account another person in the equation of us. i’m fiercly independent to the point i’ll take the kids out and forget about my partner 😀 Either way it’s hard work, plus having a partner who treats my kids like his own is always a bonus. and the occasional lie in. occasional……#kcacols

  7. Oh yes i completley agree. Loving Youself first is whats important. And if you find someone to share it Will can be great, but shOuldnt be the sole purpose. Being single isnt something thAt people should be ashamed of, embrace it. Thank you so much for linking up with us for #kcacols and we hope To see you next time.

  8. dating nowadays just seems like such a hassle that i understand why so many seem to give up. i think there is a difference between not being out there looking for somebody and closing yourself off to the idea altogether. it seems to me that the relationships ive noticed that seem the strongest are the ones that happen by accident. there is nothing wrong with being alone #kcacols

  9. Well said! these are probably the same people who ask things such as when are you having children, don’t you think you should lose weight, what job do you do? I don’t understand why people think they have the right to interfere so much in people’s lives. #KCACOLS

  10. I’m married and totally believe you dont need a man to make you happy. sometimes i think it would be easier to be single! my step mum has been single for 17 years aftr my dad died, and only just starting to date again because she wants someone to share meals out etc with. she is a fiercely INDEPENDENT, strong, happy woman who hasnt felt the need for a companion until recently. i admire her for that and i admire you for being comfortable with you #KCACOLs