Recently it was put to me that maybe it was time to get myself out and looking for a man? Those that know me will know the reaction I gave to that. For those that don’t, it was an eyebrow raise and a seriously?!?!?! remark. But that raises an important question, doesn’t it. In 2019 is it still thought that having a partner is what makes you happy and dare I say it, complete? That somehow, the default setting is of being in a couple. And that is the ONLY way you can have happiness and/or contentment in a way that being single can’t reproduce and we should always strive to find ‘our other half’ for this reason. Honestly, do I really need a man to make me happy?
For context, I have been single for 7 years now. I have been apart from Olivia’s dad for 10 years this year and in the few years that followed, I dabbled in a few new relationships, mostly away from Olivia with my last relationship ending around 7 years ago this year, May I think ish. It is actually around 7 years ago this month (Jan), that I met him.
It was a brief online thing. He lived locally and if I am completely honest, we didn’t really gel too well. We both knew it. But we gave it a good 5 months or so before he totally ghosted me after a particularly awkward evening. Of course, back then I didn’t know I had been ghosted – I’m not sure it was a term back then but that is what happened. To be honest, after that, I pretty much decided dating wasn’t for me and I was going to give it up for a little while.
A little while later brings us to today.
7 years on and there I was, sat there being asked if I think I should get out there and meet a man. The thing is, it would probably do me good on some level to get out there and meet new people. But being alone for so long and building an insular relationship almost with Olivia at home has nurtured the introvert in me. She has become at home and comfortable in her own life. And honestly, I love it! The pressure has long since been removed and, right now, I wonder am I too old to do that all over again? Can I even be bothered to start dating again after all this time?
Do I Need A Man To Make Me Happy?
I am able to do a lot of things I want to when I want to without consulting anyone else, my social life doesn’t revolve around my Netflix account (OK, honestly, let’s say 50/50) and me sobbing into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s wondering where I went wrong and why I am alone *sob (BTW most single people I know do not do this! Is it just a movie thing?).
I don’t feel in any way that I missing out right now on anything in particular by not being in a relationship. I am still able to enjoy things like going out, watching a movie, seeing a live show or concert without feeling that I simply can’t enjoy it because I’m single.
But that isn’t the point here, is it?
The point is, what is it that is so wrong with being single that people look at you as if there is a problem with you for preferring to be single and not in a relationship? This way of thinking is so ingrained in our psyche that in 2019 it is still thought that you NEED another person to be committed to, to be in any way at all happy and you know what, I don’t think that is healthy at all.
I am a strong believer in being able to love yourself first and foremost before letting anyone else have or take that love from you. Sure, this kind of wisdom comes with age and experience but being in a relationship for the sake of it? Not for me thank you, this is something I feel I have always carried with me. If it doesn’t feel right or isn’t working then ending things is the right way to go about it.
Being in a relationship isn’t and should never be a marker for how happy you can be.
No one should get the choice or even be given the choice to make this decision for you. Each and every one of us is capable of finding our own happiness. Whether in a relationship or being single and this shouldn’t be solely based on your love life at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think people should not want to be in a relationship or even stop looking for love. Not at all. Personally, I feel that all our current and future happiness or even successes shouldn’t be because we do or don’t have a partner. We are all capable of being our own person and creating and enjoying our own lives, should we choose this be on our own, in a couple or as a group. We shouldn’t be afraid of ending up single forever. Nor should we be scared of being happy in our own lives without a significant other in it.
Being single IS NOT something to be ashamed of. Being single DOES NOT mean you CANNOT be happy. Being single IS a choice. If that is a lifestyle I, you or anyone else wants to have then our decisions should be respected without having other people’s opinions forced upon us all the time just for not choosing to *’find a man’*.
*Or partner – this statement reiterates what was recently said to me not my beliefs. Love is love regardless of gender*