I am not one for writing those “Dear Person who looked at me the wrong way and ruined my day” type posts. But I wanted to address something that is harming myself and other people like me.

Fatphobia is a very real and terrifying precedent. As someone who has been classified as obese for many years and recently morbidly obese, I have faced many obstacles for getting healthcare simply because I am fat, especially from medical personnel.

While facing fat-shaming from a member of the public is standard these days under the guise of being concerned about our health (FYI, you are not concerned so much as disgusted and thinking you are morally superior. Further FYI, if you fat shame people, you are not superior nor are you a better person). Having your doctor listen to the words coming out of your mouth instead of judging you solely based on what the eyes see is deadly.

FatPhobia and GPs

This is a hill I am willing to die on and nearly did. Doctors who put down obese patients ailments to simply being fat and can be resolved by losing weight can kill people. As one of those people, it is terrifying and plays a huge factor in poor mental health. After all, if your own GP doesn’t believe you, how will you get help? The answer to change GP isn’t viable when so many surgeries are oversubscribed.  For many of us, it is a case of better the devil, you know.

For full disclosure, I am aware of my own eating habits and lifestyle choices. Tests have proven repeatedly that I am not diabetic or even prediabetic (don’t even pull that argument with me); I do not have high cholesterol or any of the other issues regularly regurgitated by those wishing to embarrass fat people. I have encountered fatphobic GPs since I was 29 and weighed 11 stone (ironically after losing two stones via an in house weight loss programme)

Pre Pandemic Me

 

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A post shared by Tracey Bowden (@thefrazzledcollective)

Pre pandemic, I was a regular at my local leisure centres. I was overweight, but I was working part-time, working self-employed part-time, raising a teenager, doing 2-3 Zumba classes a week, walking a 5-mile round trip weekly and some weeks another shorter mid-week walk. I was healthy for all intents and purposes, aside from the little issue of Fibromyalgia, which isn’t caused by being fat. I was eating fairly well, if not a lot in general, but I was active.

In January 2020, I started Mirtazapine for insomnia. In January 2021, I caught a nasty bout of covid and herein starts my tale of indifference from the people tasked to help me and a potentially deadly situation. 

Long term readers and Facebook followers will know of my struggle with covid and recovery. I didn’t get better. The smallest tasks were killing me; I couldn’t bend over to put my shoes on. Walking up the stairs raised my heartbeat akin to following a vigorous Zumba class. Honestly, I could barely say a few words without feeling like I was suffocating. I was suffocating in my own body.

Covid Recovery and Fatphobia

Initially, I had some blood tests and a chest x-ray—all good. I was advised to lose some weight, and potentially it was long covid. Except things were getting worse. I started experiencing lightheadedness when standing. Tests for diabetes came back negative, and I was told it was an obesity issue over the phone and to lose weight.

Except I couldn’t, I couldn’t stop eating. But I couldn’t move. I was virtually bed-bound and struggling with day to day tasks. But each time I voiced my concerns, I was brushed off with the lose weight argument. I spoke to GPs, nurses and even pharmacists, who told me it was down to me and my weight. No one would listen when I was telling them this wasn’t normal. I was slowly becoming a caricature of that lazy, fat woman who spent her days eating.

Suggestions ranged from it being long covid to being in my head. At this point, we all know that long covid is simply like Fibromyalgia and other chronic conditions. It is what it is, and off you go.

I turned 40, and I forced the GPs hand by insisting I needed a face to face appointment, which I got due to the extreme breathlessness, tingling down my right side and swelling in my ankle. So I persisted. I told anyone who would listen how badly this was affecting me. I left my part-time job to become fully self-employed. Life carried on.

Getting Answers

I know if I could see someone face to face, I could plead my case. So that appointment lasted a while when it came through. Nothing concrete was discovered, yet an ECG was ordered, and more blood work for a thorough workup to facilitate my referral to the long covid clinic. 

Which is when things get interesting. It is now August. Over 6 months since I had covid and 6 months of deteriorating health. The GP surgery called me for an urgent appointment to discuss my results. Luckily the appointment was scheduled for the day after my ECG and a week after my blood tests.

I have to mention I had previously been passed from GP to GP in my surgery and never saw the same person constantly when one of our OG doctors called me that fateful Wednesday.

After that 30-minute phone call and two pages of notes, it transpires that there is something seriously wrong. My ECG was showing signs of a prolonged QT. This has never been visible on previous ones from years earlier, and it was suggested that I stop completely taking Mirtazapine immediately. Which is, anyone knows, highly dangerous considering it had been 18 months of relying on this wonder drug to help me sleep.

Alongside this, there were serious concerns raised against different levels present for routine checks, which needed further investigation. To which I obliged. Not once was my weight requested or even mentioned.

Withdrawal from Mirtazapine

I was actually told that the Mirtazapine was likely responsible for any weight and appetite issues I was struggling with, something people had brushed off when I mentioned as if I was making excuses.

More tests were scheduled, referrals were made, and this leads me here. To four weeks post coming off Mirtazapine. As a side note, please read my post on Mirtazapine withdrawal in my Fibro blog.

• My ECG is almost back to normal.
• My appetite is less than a quarter of what it was in early July
• The breathlessness has almost stopped, and I now attribute it to my poor fitness levels. 
• I can actually bend over and put my own shoes on
• I can walk up the stairs without collapsing.
• My heart rate has dropped from a resting rate of high 70/80s to typically between 55/65.
• I can do my normal household activities without needing to sleep after washing the dishes.
• I am slowly increasing my entry levels.

Upon hearing this at my follow up call, the same non-fatphobic GP was shocked and pleased at the massive difference coming off the Mirtazapine has made. I feel like a new woman. I have also lost a considerable amount of weight too. I am awaiting a referral to the haematology department at my local hospital, but the lightheadedness persists. I am hoping that building my fitness levels up will help to reduce this.

What do we need to take away from this? 

Well, for those hell-bent on fat-shaming, then I doubt nothing. But for people who like me face block after block after block for access to genuine healthcare assistance simply for being overweight, then personally, I think the message is clear.

People are suffering because everything is being blamed on our weight. People are potentially dying due to not being offered more than a cursory “lose weight and come back to us” flippant comment.

I feel vindicated that I wasn’t going mad, that I wasn’t making it up. There was something seriously wrong with me; prolonged QT can be deadly in some circumstances. However, the constant denial was making me feel like I was making it up. Although from what I gather, what I experienced on Mirtazapine is not common and was completely unexpected.

No one deserves to be fat-shamed by anyone, especially those in a position to make things better. We deserve better; we deserve to have our concerns listened to and investigated. And if the results point to it being due to obesity, then so be it. But what if the answer is pointing to something else, as my case has proven? 

For the grace of God, I got a good (and in my opinion only sympathetic one in my surgery) GP. Who paid attention to what the results were telling him. Some of these issues have been constant for 12 years, another one 20 years. I have been classed as overweight for 13 years by BMI standards. A coincidence? Maybe, maybe not. While it might seem better late than never, there is no denying that something needs to change in the medical field.