I was always sure. Even from a young age, I was pretty sure it would only happen the once. You see, I never wanted kids. Children. As in more than one. Maybe it was because I am the oldest of 4 girls, maybe it’s my social anxiety or the fact that I am a pretty introverted person who prefers solitude to huge throngs of people and large gatherings. I’m not entirely sure. But on this I was. Having one child really can be enough to complete my family.
Luckily, the man I became pregnant to at 24 felt the same way. From those very first days consumed by sickness and nausea I knew I was only doing this thing called pregnancy once. Initial thoughts and feelings on this 9-month process stuck with me until I gave birth at 35 weeks and 1 day.
The excruciating pain of labour whilst being told I wasn’t in labour and to be quiet has never left me. The flashes of nurses tutting at me and opening the curtain on a scared young woman in pain forever etched on my memory. They later came by to apologise. But this only served to strengthen my resolve that this would never happen again. Ever.
Being a first-time mum was all consuming, tiring, and a complete whirlwind. But despite my protestations to the contrary people waited and questioned when the pitter patter of more small feet would grace my life. As if my life was lacking somehow and being a first-time mum to one wasn’t enough.
I could see them clicking their tongues in unison. Steadfast in their belief I was wrong and they would soon hear of pregnancy number 2. People should have known, the more you tell me I should be doing something, the more likely is I won’t do it. But on this subject, my mind was already made up, well before the Spanish inquisition into when my body would be home to baby number 2.
It Seems Society Thinks I am Wrong……
So I continued with my life. Happy as a family unit of 3. Yet the questions never stopped. Peer pressure mounting but my answers remained the same. We were happy with 1 why wasn’t that enough for people? Have I automatically failed as a parent because I choose to just have a child as oppose to children?
Does it make me less of a mother, of a woman for not reproducing to please others? What kind of mother would that make me if I had more to please others? Other children, that I didn’t want because it’s what I should do? Is that a good mother?
In a society that seems to think that if you have one, then two, three and maybe more must automatically follow. Is it wrong of me to admit that just the one child is enough for me? Have I failed at being a parent for denying my child the experience of siblings? Selfish? Maybe, realistic definitely!
Yes, I felt the pressure, the expectations and ultimately the judging. “I can’t believe it!” They say. She needs a little brother or sister, she would love that. Yes, of course, random stranger who apparently knows my daughter better than I do. I’m sure you think she would but I’m still not changing my mind. For me, for us, our family unit was complete.
Even when the dynamics changed and our family became a party of 2 from 3. I felt it was the right choice for me, for us. Because surely at the end of the day that’s really what matters isn’t it? What’s best for me and my family not what other think I should do? Right or wrong it was and still is my decision to make. Selfish it may be, but my life and my family is not lacking despite its size. Contrary to popular belief.
It fitted me nicely. Just the one, she slotted so easily and perfectly in our lives and the need or desire to travel down that road again didn’t resurface. An experience worth having but ultimately it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Not a place to frequent over the years. With no regrets. None at all. To this day I still don’t regret my choice. I agonised over whether I would in time. Years down the line would I still be confident I made the right choice? I did, in my heart, I know I did.
And Now?
The question still gets asked to this day, the answer still met with disbelief mostly. Sometimes disappointment, even pity but I don’t worry about that, others disappointment is not my regret. My womb isn’t and never was there to please and reproduce as per others demands or what is perceived to be normal. These days however, the question has changed. Years have passed and people now choose to question my choices, ask do I have any regrets? The answer is no. Sure I have thought about it on occasion but deep down I know, it’s really not what I what I want.
Lately, however, the question has changed. Years have passed and people now choose to question my choices, ask do I have any regrets? As if making me think about it will force me to see the mistake I made. How I was completely selfish. But still, the answer is no. I do not have any regrets. Sure I have thought about it on occasion but deep down I know, it’s really not what I want.
One Child Really Can Be Enough.
You see, the tugging on the heart strings and maternal ache felt by others never fluttered inside me. Holding babies doesn’t make me broody. Despite people thinking otherwise when they pass me a newborn to hold. Holding a baby will not change my decision, chances are I will be glad to pass them back and think how glad I am that sleepless nights are a thing of the past for me.
Maybe I am lacking in maternal instincts. Was it a chemical reaction that went wrong inside my head and my heart? But I choose to think not. Because whilst I never regret becoming a mum for one second, I know in my heart that one is enough for me. And if it’s enough for me, then it should be enough for everyone else too.
Because contrary to popular belief one child really can be enough to complete a family. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
I totally understand what you mean! Everyone is always asking me when I’ll be having another because my son is 3 now. It’s just not a realistic thing for our family right now and people don’t seem to understand that. #KCACOLS
I don’t think it matters really. Whatever works for your family, or whatever your circumstances dictate – families come in many shapes and sizes. #KCACOLS
I will never understand why people feel the need to judge others’ lives so much. You know what is right for you, no one else. It sounds like you have the perfect life together to me. #KCACOLS
I’m glad you’re happy and that’s the most important thing. We get asked about when we’re having another kid all the time, and I am pretty sure we will have one but that’s our choice and what we want. My friend doesn’t want have children at all and she and her bloke are happy too. #kcacols
You should never have to justify your decisions to anyone. I agree. I like how you’ve approached the topic in your post. So honest. #KCACOLS
I have a feeling, I’ve commented on this but maybe in my head. I read it a while ago so forgive me if I have. Like you, we have one daughter – same age too, as you know! We are a 3 and that isn’t going to change. We would have loved more but that’s what happens when you leave it too late. But we are as we are in the same way that you are. We are just fine, we are often called out on the ‘only child’ thing and so is my daughter. Of course, she would have loved a sibling, she doesn’t need to be reminded that she will always be lonely. Yep someone did say that to her. A stranger. Our baby making machine hung its head in shame. We may not have chosen to have one but we are happy with our lot and make a fabulous little unit. We all do things in our own way and like you we have the constant reminders that we aren’t quite enough but I really don’t care anymore and she is quite happy with her little lot. Just like Olivia she is much loved and that is all that matters xx #KCACOLS
I cant believe people are so nosey! People are the same when you start to have more than 2 aswell! #kcacols xx
People are so nosey – it’s no one else business but yours whether you choose to have 1 child or 10! Everyone is different and I think there is nothing wrong with only wanting the one. We would love to have another but I don’t think I could go back to the baby days again now, that and my age! #KCACOLS
Lovely post. We all have to do what is right for us and as a family – I would never judge someone based on how many children they have and it’s sad that you’ve been made to feel that way. It’s certainly not selfish to have just one. Personally I always wanted two, but I can totally see why a lot of people stop at one. #KCACOLS
I have three and when we announced the third pregnancy many people were surprised and acted as though two is the perfect number – but for some it’s one and for others it’s more than two!! #KCACOLS
Seriously I don’t understand why people are so judgemental, it’s none of their business. Of course one child can make a family – that’s your choice nobody else’s. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone! #KCACOLS
People are so rude! I always think I don’t question your taste in men, or style of your house, who are you to question my family choices?! You all look very happy and that’s what matters. #kcacols
I totally agree with you, it’s all individual choice. We should just respect people’s choices and leave them be! #kcacols
One child absolutely can be enough. We have a 6 year old daughter and our family is definitely complete. I always assumed I’d have 2 kids, but from the moment I had my first I just knew we wouldn’t have any more. #kcacols
One definitely is enough if that’s how your family works. I was an only child until I was 11 when my mum remarried and had my sister and I never felt like I was missing out not having a little sibling to play with in my younger years! #KCACOLS
Thankyou for sharing this! Seriously, I’m in a similar boat. It took three years to make my daughter. I wasn’t enamoured with pregnancy. Labour was just meh. High blood pressure wasn’t fun. I loved having a squishy newborn but I didn’t like the lack of sleep that came with her. Yet people feel the need to ask if we want a boy, or tell us that Eden will be lonely if we don’t produce another offspring. Fact is, we’re happy just the way we are – our family is 100% complete and so is yours! #KCACOLS
I totally agree with you, I hate when society is pressuring people to follow some “rules”. Each individual knows what is best for their own, there is no need to push someone into doing something.
#KCACOLS
I understand completely, I only want the one and people can’t understand it xx #KCACOLS
Great post! Completely understand. It’s no one else’s business, I can’t believe how rude people can be! #kcacols
Good for you. It’s awful when people think they have a right to impose their beliefs and thoughts on your life. #KCACOLS
Sometimes it’s the way the question is phrased isn’t it. A friend of mine has a little boy, and I asked her recently ‘do you think you’ll have any more?’, but it was purely out of interest in her life. I hope that wasn’t taken the wrong way, as I think that’s a bit different from asking ‘when are you going to have another?’, or ‘isn’t it time to have another?’. It’s such a personal choice, I just find it really interesting how different people think and feel about it, life would be so boring if we were all the same and all wanted the same things! Well done you for following your heart on this. x #KCACOLS
It is up to you how many children you have. No one can make that decision for a person. We all have to do what is right for us, not anyone else.
#KCACOLS
It’s funny because we have 4 and people always ask if we’re happy yet or ready to stop. We are, but because I feel complete in our
Family. I think people sometimes honestly just want to connect and understand our different choices but it can come across as judgement. And sometimes it just
Is judgement. Thanks for sharing 🙂 #KCACOLS
Who are others to say when enough is enough. Only you know what is right for you.#KCACOLS
Quite right – you have to do what you feel is right for you as only you know if you want more children. I didn’t have that ‘done’ feeling until three, but once I had it, it stayed! #KCACOLS
Good for you. You shouldn’t have to justify your decisions to anyone. I think the number of mums who have one child is on the increase. It could be because we’re all having children later in life or because our lives and careers are demanding. But I definitely know of more mums with one than with three. It’s becoming far more common. #KCACOLS
Well done you for standing by your decision. It really does baffle me why society feels the need to dictate to people. I know there is a lot of stigma around ONLY having one. Just even saying ONLY is insult enough. I do wish everyone just realised we all have or own ideals and we need to do what makes us happy.
#KCACOLS
I always knew i wanted more than one child, but i’ve definitely had moments where I said ‘never again’…morning sickness and other horrendous pregnancy symptoms were the first reason, and then a labour where, like you, I wasn’t believed and almost had my baby whilst walking down a corridor trying to find a private room to give birth…it took a long time to get over but i did then have that sudden feeling of ‘i want another and now is the time’. I know plenty who only want one – some who made the decision before they ever had children, others who made the decision after finally getting their longed for baby after multiple miscarriages and deciding not to risk anymore. I know a few who don’t want children at all. The world would be very boring if we were all the same xx #kcacols
Very honest post. I have 3 children and would like another but I don’t think we will 🙁 You have to do what is right for your family and yourself #KCACOLS
How lovely. You are Olivia’s mum and you know best. I totally agree it is up to the individual what they choose to do. We have 2 boys and are constantly asked if we will have another to try for a girl! No thanks! Two is more than enough and our family is complete #KCACOLS
Thank you for writing this! I’m an only child and my son is an only child as well. We are a wonderful family of 3 and that’s what works for us and based on our circumstances. People can be so judgmental sometimes… #KCACOLS
I can’t believe how rude people can be. If you had chosen to have five children , I’m sure they’d be asking you when you were going to stop. So frustrating!
#KCACOLS
It’s so frustrating when people ask probing questions and it’s usually people who should know better. There is no right or wrong number of children. The only right is what is right for you.
#KCACOLS
Good for you. I hate how people think they can have an opinion on other peoples lives, and how there is an expectation! Great post – as there will be many others in the same situation #KCACOLS
Great post, and I think so many people feel this way. For me, one wasn’t enough, I had always wanted two children and that was something I was sure of. When I had two children and one of my sons died, I was left with just the one child and I guess I accepted that one would have to be enough, but for me, having had two, it wasn’t? I was very fortunate to go on and have another baby with my second husband and we discovered that actually, two wasn’t enough either! We then had another baby….and another…..and now, as a Mum of five, I realised that for us that was enough. It’s such a personal choice and I would never judge someone else for wanting no children or wanting ten. Fab post. #KCACOLS
It’s nobody’s business but yours how many children you have. I have 2 and one step son and sometimes I wonder why I had any!! I am one of 4 and other than at family gatherings (Christmas and easter) I never speak to any of my siblings. They don’t bother with me and I don’t bother with them…it’s a shame but we are just not close so I feel like an only child and I’m happy with that! #KCACOLS
It is all down to the couple and their choices. Some couples have a family without kids, some have 19, some have the “common” 3 or 4 kids. I dont know if Ben will be an only child. For a long while I said he would be, but im starting to question the idea of another and with that in mind i know its ok to consider one more. (we always agreed two). But right now Ben is enough and if I choose against a second I know he wont miss out and our family will be full!! #KCACOLS
I hate when people ask that. Do what is best for you and your family!
#KCACOLS
Totally agree with you, it’s whatever you want and whatever you choose to do. No one should every pressure you or make you feel like your decisions are not right in any way. People always always ask me if I would of liked a girl as I have 2 boys, it’s like an obsession and I cringe when I’m asked it.
Mainy
#KCACOLS
I’ve only got the one. It would have been nice to have more, but life didn’t work out that way so we don’t sweat it. We’re happy and that’s the most important thing. Like you, I got really frustrated at the endless comments about when the next one was coming. So rude!
I totally understand where you are coming from. I have two children and that is because I wasn’t complete with one. Now I am complete but still have the ‘when’s the third?’ question. Our family is done. If it had been done with one we would have stopped then too! Also babies just don’t do it for me. I’m not bothered about having cuddles, the most I am likely to pick up a baby is if I can see the mum needs a little bit of help in that moment for whatever reason. Then I’m more than happy to hand them back! No ovary aches over here!
#KCACOLS
i am a single mum with one son. People look at us and think that we are only half a family. The truth is that I am enough for Cygnet and he is enough for me. Families come in all shapes, sizes and configurations. That’s what makes life interesting. Thanks for your post. Pen x #KCACOLS
Of course it’s enough. Having a family is such a personal choice and you have to go with what feels right for you. I have a friend who is amazing with kids and loves them but has never wanted any of her own. People are always insisting she’d make a great mum and she’d change her mind one day. But why? If she doesn’t want them then why should she? Just because it’s what society expects? That’s no reason to bring children into the world. Great post x
#KCACOLS
I do think people are being very rude if they question your decision to have only one child. I was an only child and I turned out just fine! I ended up having 2 children but I hated pregnancy and can see many benefits to having just one child, so I can understand the decision. #kcacols
It interesting that your siblings made you not want to have lots of children as growing up with my sister makes me want to have lots lol. Its definitely the right choice for you if you’re happy x #KCACOLS
Great post, I’ve always been the opposite and known since I was young I want a house full of babies haha #KCACOLS
Loved reading this post! So honest. It’s your choice, no one else’s! #KCACOLS
I couldn’t see my first comment so I’ve written another one! LOL #KCACOLS
What at an honest post about the decision you have made to have one child and why everyone should respect that. People are so quick to assume what we should all be doing, withouth taking into account that we all make our own choices, for our own personal reasons. And what is right for one person may not be right for another. Sounds like you have a lovely family #KCACOLS
What a lovely honest post about your choices. Everyone is so ready to give their opinions aren’t they, but we are all entitled to make life choices and it is nobody’s business other than our own and our family’s. Sounds like you have a wonderful family and you are right not to conform to what people expect in this world, but to do what is right for you. #KCACOLS
I think people just feel the need to ask, like it is natural to want more once you’ve had one. Even after having four children and the youngest being 12 people still ask me if I am going to have another baby. The answer is a firm NO! #kcacols
Brilliant post! People seem to forget its your personal preference. I’ve always said quite openly that I don’t really like children. Whenever someone brought a baby into work I ran in the opposite direction. It’s not that I’m rude or horrible to them, in fact I seem to have a knack for entertaining random children but I just lack that maternal instinct. The drive to be a mother. I always knew I was going to be a mother at some point I just never really sat down and planned it. I’m still sitting on the fence when it comes to another child. When I look at pictures from the early days I miss my tiny baby but not enough to make me want another. I guess I haven’t ruled it out completely because I’m still young and so is Rory. There’s plenty of time to change my mind. Great post that I could relate to a lot #KCACOLS
#KCACOLS rather (can’t spell!)
People will always have things to say. Whether you have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 etc etc children. And whatever the number, it’s never their business! It’s yours and yours only. And you know what’s right! Thanks for sharing! #KCAOLS
This is really lovely. Also you and your daughter are basically twins!
#KCACOLS
People always feel the need to comment on people’s choices and it’s so annoying! I think people just ask idle questions which I don’t mind, it’s the judgement! #KCACOLS
I am an only child and I don’t feel like i missed out on anything. Peachy is currently on only child too. I, like you, have never been a baby person. I don’t like other people’s babies all that much but I sure do love mine. I always thought that there was a large probability that I would stop at one too. But now that Peachy is 15 months old I feel like it’s going by so fast. She’s such a big girl now and it happened in the blink of an eye. Where is my little baby? I guess I haven’t gotten my fill of little baby and that makes me consider having a second. No solid decisions made as of yet. #KCACOLS
Everyone is happy and healthy and at peace and that means you did everything right.
#KCACOLS
Such a great post! My sister chose to just have one child, and she has had the same sort of questions and comments ever since. I, on the other hand, have four kids, and I receive rude and negative questions and comments on that too! I really wish people would just stfu and mind their own business when it comes to family planning!
#KCACOLS
Of course one can be a family, you are done with kids when you feel ready, just it took me till 6 to feel that way! That said I knew then that was it, no more. #KCACOLS
I loved this post. I personally have four kids (one who lives in PA with her dad), but I can completely understand your feelings. My mom was happy with just me, and I praise God she felt that way. I was happy being the only child and after watching how my kids are, I’m glad that I was it for her. Sometimes I wonder why I decided to have more than one child, but I’m glad I have all of them just the same. They are all unique in their own special way.
Visiting from #KCACOLS.
It’s such a personal thbig, it never occurs to me to question how many kids people have or choose to have. I sometimes wonder what it might be like for others but that’s about it. Lovely post. #kcacols
Isn’t it funny how as soon as you move in together, people ask when you’re getting engaged. As soon as you get engaged, people ask when you’re getting married and as soon as your married, people ask about babies. When you’ve had one they ask about the second and I hear people have the opposite reaction if you’ve already got 2 or 3 – what? More?!
Everyone seems to always be waiting for the next thing…shame when we should be making the most of what we have now #KCACOLS
You are a mother and together you are a family. Happiness is what counts. I don’t know why people always feel the need to question such things, family life is a personal matter. #KCACOLS
Let me tell you, my friend and I dealing with tricky teens look at the parents of one child and think “You knew what you were doing!” We just think ‘this one will hopefully be out of it before #2 starts up…!”
fab post! I didn’t feeel ‘finished’ at one, and always wanted more. But everyone is different and you have to do what you want to do. Not what you think other people expect you to do! #kcacols