Self Harming

This is a bit of a sad post. I was going to do some research but it just upset me so I thought I would just write.

Today when I was dropping off my mums sick note for work, she has sciatica, Olivia had to use the toilet, so being the kind mum I am I stood holding all her stuff by the sinks. It was here I noticed the young girl, slowly and carefully washing hands but then I turned away thinking nothing of it as Olivia came back out.

The girl then walked away to dry her hands in a slow, almost defeated manner like there was just no reason to do it but she was just gong through the motions, like men watching chick flicks, resigned to their fate. The sleeves of her blazer were rolled up and I watched Olivia stand next to her as they used the hand dryers.

It was then I noticed. I caught sight of her arms. Both of them. Scarred. In lines. From the inside of her arm to the outside. Line after line after line. And I knew. I knew why she walked the way she did, why the hand washing was so slow and my heart broke.

She was no older than 14 maybe 15 yet here she was taking, or used to take as I am no doctor so I wouldn’t know if they were recent or old, sharp objects to her arms and causing herself pain. Damaging her body for reasons only she knows, pain only she feels and being so frustrated and upset that she feel this is her best course of action.

So young yet so troubled it was just the most saddest and terrifying thing I have seen for a long time. It brought out the mum in me. I wanted to hug to ask her why, what was causing her to do this and how could I stop it? Because one day in the not so distant future it could be my daughter standing there being watched by someone observing all her pain so clearly marked on her for all to see. My daughter suffering so badly that this is her only release. And it took my breath away, I had to walk away not knowing, leaving her there to cope on her own as I was just a stranger, someone passing in the street.

Do her parents know? If they do, do they care? Do they listen and try to help her or is it all a secret to be brushed under the carpet?
Do I ant to be the parent who knows? To witness my child going through something like this but not to be able to make it better for her.

I do. I want to know, I want to help should she find herself in a similar situation, I want to know my daughter, to love her and help her and hold her when she needs it. I want to teach her to to deal with the good, the bad and the ugly in life and to not be afraid to keep me by her side no matter what is going on.

But more importantly I don’t want her to be alone, I want her to know I am here for her and love and care for her regardless of anything and everything else.

I wish that young girl all my love and I hope she has the strength to see the light at the end of what must be a really dark, lonely tunnel and goes on to live a long, happy, beautiful life.

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  1. Oh hunny that just made me cry. That is so sad and I send my happy postiive thoughts out into the air for that girl may she find a happier way. That is so sad. It's hard because you can't really say anything because she couldn't have got really upset. Most the time they get defensive. Had a friend that did it growing up. We all knew but couldn't approach her or it just got worse. So so sad. #sharewithme

  2. I was very poorly as a teenager and I self harmed, I now have arms full of scars. It was because I felt so alone and angry. But I'm glad you didn't say anything because I remember getting really angry and defensive when people mentioned it, so it might not have ended well. I know what you mean about wanting to make it all better. We can only hope she has a lot of support around her, as well as love.

  3. oh trace how sad. I would really hope that if I saw that I would say to her, light hearted at first, oooo what's happened to your arms? Just to see if she was open to giving anything away at all.
    Having said that, no one knows what they'll do in situations like this until they're in them themselves. it's so sad 🙁