Rage Against The Hormones

I remember watching Olivia as a newborn. Settling her down in her moses basket at the side of the bed and staring at her in complete awe. She was so small and beautiful and all mine. I found too big a concept to get my head around. That perfect little person lying innocently next to me.

Then the gurning started. Pulling the funny faces, half smiles making ‘oh’ shapes with her mouth. And in those wee hours of the morning I swear she was possessed. Honest to God! I would lie there thinking, she’s not really smiling, she can’t be she is far to young. Has to be possessed doesn’t she. Freaked the life out of me every damn time. Each time one side of her mouth curled up, almost twitching as she did I half expected some gunging dripping demon to rip it’s way out and devour me whole. Looking back I knew it was me that was most definitely insane. A sleep deprived, gibbering wreck whose imagination was completely and utterly spiralling out of control and has possibly watched one too many episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Now, almost 10 years later I know the truth. She wasn’t possessed then, but now, she is absolutely most definitely 100% possessed. Hand on heart, it’s like there’s two of her inside there honest. *cue creepy twilight zone music* Be afraid, be very afraid, it’s like some dodgy Point Horror book from my youth and both give me the heebie geebies too!

Now don’t get me wrong, Olivia is still in there, I see her from time to time. Pops out to say she loves me, awww, or to have a chat, play a bit of monopoly or discuss our favourite Disney channel programmes (fyi currently Descendants I’ve been told for both of us!) But the majority of the time, it’s all I can do to stop the steam coming out my ears and my head literally detaching itself to do a full 360 exorcist swivel, ok I lie I don’t always try to stop, fight fire with fire people there ain’t no reasoning with a 9 year old all hyped with hormonal angst.

The slightest thing is all it takes to flip the switch, then they tag team and out comes Crazy Livy and in turn out comes even crazier me! I have over 20 years experience damn it I can tantrum with the best of ’em bring it on! But there’s that defiant, over my dead body look in her eyes and one eye roll from me can be all it takes to reach DEFCON 1 status. It’s going to be a battle to the death, most probably mine or at the very least a few more grey hairs. Won’t be long before I’ve got a white streak rivalling Ana’s!

*Disclaimer: This is my over dramaticΒ descriptionΒ of reaching tweenage years with Olivia. I am aware that my child is absolutely not possessed by anything other than hormones and I am of sound mind, I think? Nor has my head literally spun 360 degrees yet, but I am working on it πŸ˜‰ All statements made to be taken with a pinch of salt and a dash of humour. If you are void of humour you have stumbled upon the blog but please feel free to actually stumble this post*

 

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  1. Oh no!! I guess this is what I will have to look forward to!! Thanks God I still have some time as Bella is 5 and Sienna 1. But I know what you mean as my niece is 13 soon to be 14 so my sister is in the middle of the teenagers years and she tells me it is so difficult!!! So we just have to try if possible to be patient (I will probably not be patient at all when my times comes lol) and hope for the best and that this phase finishes quickly!! LOL You are doing a great job anyway. I love reading your posts as I kind of prepare myself for those times. I learn a lot. Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. I would love to see you again on Sunday! πŸ™‚ x

  2. I wonder what my parents thought when I went through my teenage years? Dread what it will be like when I choose to have my own little one.