So this year marks 5 years of me being a single mum. You would think that I would of had it all figured out, routines in place making it look like a piece of cake right? Wrong! It is really hard for me to admit this. That I am struggling a little and that what is supposed to be one of the best things in the world is right now at this time stressing me the heck out! I think as time goes on it’s getting harder not easier seriously. Between work,school runs, blogging, quality time it’s never ending. Relentless for want of a better word.
Lately I have been getting asked about me time, do I have it, what do I do with it and do I miss it?
The answer? I don’t know I really don’t know I just don’t seem to able to think straight lately I feel exhausted right to my bones.
The thing is there is no one home but me so obviously it all falls to me, all the fun stuff like the cooking and the cleaning. If I don’t do it it doesn’t get done. If I don’t buy it we don’t have it, if I don’t want to do anything it just doesn’t get done this is more frequent than not these days trust me.
I start my days at half 6 in the morning, providing I’m not in work, I clean the house, make the packed lunch and get any pe kits or things needed for that day in school. If I am in work this all has to be done the night before. Things to be picked on the way past as my sister takes Olivia in to school.
I get my shopping on the way home so as to utilise my time and bus pass effectively and as the bus stop is opposite my front door no carrying heavy bags that far! Or I do it online now so much easier and less stressful. Get home make dinner, cooking and more cleaning before homework and reading then finally comes bedtime usually for both of us. If I am lucky she will want to sleep but hey, how often does that happen with kids!
People underestimate exactly how much and what needs to be done and I admit to those feelings of jealousy when younger colleagues head off home for a relaxing quiet night after a long hard day at work, “oohh I’m going to have a nice long bath and watch xyz on tv” Are you yes? How very nice for you and I’m not in the slightest bit envious at all please excuse my glare I don’t hate you really.
Or my favourite question,so what are you up to tonight? Do you really want to know? Let me tell you *cue regrets in asking* well, tonight I have to go to my sisters pick up my daughter, them we will walk home before going in to get our dinner ready. While it is cooking on low we will go for a walk to the park for a little while before coming home, eating, reading, bedtime incl the before bed teeth brushing dramas, make sure I have clean uniform for the morning for both of us then if I can stay awake maybe an episode or 3 of something recorded that isn’t Barbie or the Disney Channel! Someone is regretting asking that now aren’t they. (This is an example night and not at all what I do every day, can you say burn out!)
Yet despite all of this you do it don’t you. You do it all because you have, who else is going to if you don’t but more importantly you do it for them. Because no matter how hard or stressful things get they are your children and they depend on you and letting them down is the one thing that is absolutely, categorically not going to happen, ever.
So bring it, all the stress, the fun, the up’s and downs. The good and the bad the mundane and extraordinary because that is what a parent is all about. Single or couple, we are all in this together wiping one snotty nose at a time and making it all better one bottle glass of wine at a time.