Did you know that you can still love your kids and not be with them 24/7? That it is OK to enjoy your time without them but still miss them and, by extension, feel confident that you are doing what is best for your kids. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard single parents lament that their kids are with their other parent or grandparents and spend that time moping and missing them. 

It is 100% OK to live your life when you don’t have your kids. It is not a sin. It is most definitely allowed. Not only is it allowed, but I also have to insist it is a requirement. 

Why?

Because as loreal said, you are worth it. You spend hours looking after your kids alone each week. You are the sole parent at home, and you weight solo parenting on your shoulders. Yes, the separation may be challenging, but that doesn’t mean you need to be a martyr to it and mope every second until they come home.

Far from it. Now is your time. Do what you want when you want. Sleep in the middle of the bed. Go day drinking or even take a day trip or an overnight trip.

As an adult, you need and quote frankly deserve this time off from parenting and responsibility. Enjoy it, relish it, and feel confident that your child is living their life too. 

Not that they will forget you. But if you instill the confidence in them to love their life without you around, chances are they are doing precisely that. So why shouldn’t you? 

Society is tough on single mums.

I get it. I know. It’s been this way since the first single-parent family was forged. No doubt, it was something that came about via death rather than divorce. But single mums especially have a hard time as the only parent at home. 

Now I’m going off on a tangent here, but single dads are held in much higher regard than single mums. Single mums are painted to be the nasty, vindictive kind who are punishing dads and are, in some way, inherently wrong. That isn’t always the case though I agree in some cases it is. 

But I am continually being told about single dads (usually by that dad’s mum), and the emphasis is on them “doing it alone” oh, I’m a single mum too, I answered back once. The reply,

“yeah, but he is a single dad, that is worse.” 

Not sure how it is worse for men; single parenting is hard full stop. And the notion that a single dad needs to be praised while single mums are bashed is complete and utter nonsense. Don’t you agree? 

Back on topic.

Single mums are allowed to relax and enjoy time away from their children as and when this happens? Why? Well, because we work bloody hard at keeping our families together. 

This year 2020 saw me send my child to live with her dad for an indefinite period. Was it because I didn’t love her? No.it wax because I did. Because if I didn’t work, I would not have had a job to go back to. Because I needed money to keep a roof over our heads. And the rest of that. 

Was it hard? Absolutely but I know it was the right decision. My daughter wasn’t with a stranger. She was with her dad. He is more than capable of looking after his child and parenting full time just like I did, week in week out. 

And this is where we are now. My child has decided that living part-time with both her mum and her dad is what she wants to do. And as her mum, I am here for whatever makes her happy. 

Does it mean I am failing in my role as a single parent?

Absolutely not. And nor should you feel like this. It is entirely normal for your child to want to spend as much time as possible with both parents. Who wouldn’t? 

If you can allow this to happen and all parties agree, then letting your child dictate their living arrangements could be a blessing for both parties. 

After all, parenting is about what is best for the kids, not us. This is what is best for all of us. After three months of having Olivia with him, her dad naturally doesn’t want to lose her and go back to our previous arrangement. Neither does Olivia. And by extension, neither do I.

And neither should you. If your child tells you they want to spend more time with their other parent who doesn’t live life with you, this shouldn’t be taken as a failure on your part, far from it. It should be a recognition that you have strived to build a healthy relationship with your child and allowed the other parent to have the same. You can work out an amicable agreement on living arrangements, be it one night a week or three, then feel confident that you are doing your job right as a parent and allowing them to life in a way that makes them happy. 

So while they are happy away from you, you too should be satisfied away from them.

Glad to live your life. To do what is best for you, knowing that your child is happy doing what they are doing. 

Successful co-parenting shouldn’t be about who is the better parent. It is about how you can provide the best for your child. And a happy parent leads to a happy child. And to me, that is successful co-parenting.