I know, that title seems like I am a people hating crazy cat lady who snarls at the world when she ventures out telling people how it was better in the old days! Give me 20 years and I possibly will be.

This post isn’t about that though. The question is;

Do I really still want to be creating social content?

I have to admit, I just don’t know. The allure of creating engaging social media captions seems to have passed me by and like ships in the night, I have accepted that there is no desire to keep on with putting my whole life out there.

I look at those who do, who share every detail, everything they do online. Those that do it well have my admiration for I do not see how they manage to do this nor do I have the same desire to reproduce the amount of content they do.

Gone are the days of being jealous over some work that someone else gets. Someone who rightly outs in the effort on and off the screen to keep pushing forward and making themselves relevant, interesting and most importantly visible.

Is it visibility we should be craving or rather the anonymity?

https://www.instagram.com/p/B862mdLFSna/

I don’t know. As a blogger, you would probably expect the right answer to be visibility. And in work terms, that would be correct. But quietly scurrying along behind the scenes seems more real, more comforting to me.

The words, the writing, the feelings. That’s what it is about for me. Not being the centre of attention in a little world I created for myself. You see, there is nothing stopping me being the centre of attention. Except for Olivia of course, who rightly believes the world should revolve around her. My world especially. But she is 13 and I am world-weary and finally settled into a life that I always felt at odds at.

In a way, I know my decision as I write this. And I feel oddly at ease with the decision I making as these words escape my mind and work their way across the keyboard.

I no longer want to be social.

The social aspect of social media and pushing myself out there for others to see. It isn’t me. It really never has been. Unless there is alcohol involved then I am everyone’s best friends and demand all the attention only drunk me ever seems to crave.

But that begs the question. Where does that leave me and One Frazzled Mum? I loathe saying goodbye to this blog of mine. I don’t want to say goodbye. But in this highly competitive sector, I have to ask, what exactly is it I want from blogging? In my heart, I know it is simply to write. Maybe I am using the wrong medium. Maybe, but probably more definitely. Unless I reassess what it is I want from this.

I thought I wanted what the others do. That self-doubt and uncertainty and mass herd-like following got me. It roped me in and I lost sight of why I started writing. Writing. That is it for me. I really don’t want to be social anymore.

Chances are if you met me in real life, you would think, I am rightly the introvert I am. I probably wouldn’t come up and introduce myself to you. And as the 40th birthday truck looms near in the future (July 2021), it is time to come to terms with that don’t you agree. In a way, I have. Off-line. But I still push myself to be social online.

It is like a cloak I feel I have to wear every time I need to share something or use my social media accounts. But I don’t want to be social I cry to myself and still, I used to push myself.

If I had it my way, I wouldn’t be active at all on social media. But that isn’t fair and I owe my readers (if I have any left) some degree of interaction and a little piece of me so to speak. After all, they are the reason I get to do what I do and have helped me push boundaries to make myself better. I will never for one minute regret that.

This being social malarky though.

It makes me uncomfortable. I just want to write. I know you can just write a Facebook status or an Instagram caption but it isn’t the same.

So as much as I am happy in my decision to scale back my social activities (I am the least social Twitter user ever) I am in a quandary over what that means for my blog. Who will read it? Who will see it? Is there any point in writing a blog if I am not sharing my wares across social media for all to see. Do people want to see a fake, over the top me as opposed to none of me?

Will I stop taking on brand work? I hope it won’t stop coming. I am aware I will see a drop in huge brand campaigns and the big money jobs. But I can focus on the smaller things, that means more to me and are relevant to my life going forward. And if a big campaign comes up and it fits me? Then amazing, I will absolutely consider it. If not, then it isn’t a big loss and I will be no worse off for it.

Could a compromise be the answer? I feel so. As I am doing now if I want to share I will. I won’t feel forced or like I should want to be social just because I am a blogger.

All the questions. None of the answers but the ease in my mind that less social me means a better me. Even if it means a less viewed blog. After all, I really do, just want to write.