Fertility issues can be crippling for families and single couples alike. Most commonly, we imagine these issues impacting a couple who have yet to feel the joy of a family, and the image is a heartbreaking one. Less often, we consider the reality that even couples with a happy family may experience troubles.

Whether you’ve waited a while between children or experienced significant complications in a prior pregnancy, it’s not unheard of for women with two or more children to experience issues like miscarriage, difficulty conceiving, and more. This could leave them facing an IVF procedure, the possibility of using a surrogate, and more. All of which can take their toll on family life.

Most importantly if this happens to you, you may be left wondering whether or not to share this struggle with the children you’ve got. While openness surrounding these issues can be useful, many parents choose not to share. Equally, many do, and you could decide whether to join them by asking yourself the following questions. 

Are they old enough to understand?

A five-year-old isn’t going to understand the concept of miscarriage, nor should they! By comparison, teenagers may feel hurt if you don’t share the news. Ultimately, you need to ask yourself whether your child is old enough to understand the fertility issues you’re facing and whether they’re at an age where they would appreciate that information. If you don’t think they would grasp the concept of value being kept in the loop, then you’re probably better off leaving those conversations for another day. 

Why exactly are you sharing?

Ask yourself, too, why you’re sharing this information. This is a difficult parenting decision, after all, and being clear about your reasoning can help you decide whether it’s right for you. In most cases, parents want to share for full transparency, and that’s as good a reason as any. You may also want to use this as a learning opportunity, for example, why you are visiting an ED Clinic Carmel with your partner and discuss how it’s OK for your son to get his fertility checked when he is older, which is, again, fine. On the other hand, if you’re sharing the information because you feel that you ‘should,’ then you might want to think twice, at least until you’re in a clearer headspace.

Do you know how to adequately explain?

Fertility can be confusing enough for adults, let alone kids. Before you talk about your miscarriage or treatment plan, you might also want to consider whether you know how to explain things adequately. If nothing else, kids are intuitive, and you can bet they’ll have plenty of questions. If you don’t have the right answers, this news could leave them more confused than anything else. As such, making sure that you have a firm grasp on what’s happening and how to talk about it is essential before you even start. 

Ultimately, your decision about whether to share this journey is down to your preferences and the kids in question. Often, though, parents do find it helpful to share in some form, and answering these questions should make the process easier if you decide to do the same.