Right, diet starts Monday.
Been shopping, bought all the ‘good’ stuff. Cupboards, fridge, freezer all crammed to bursting with as much low fat, non sugar, taste free food as I could find. Morrison’s Market Street has nothing on me in the fruit and veg department and I have feed the bin, (no, not my face) the night before, with all the chocolate, pizza, fried yummies I could find.
The morning brought fresh resolve, yeah I can do this I think, no problem! Diet shmiet piece of cake….. Oh cake, cake would be so nice right now…… No, no it won’t moment on the lips lifetime on the hips and all that… But it tastes soooo gooood!
Damn it not even through breakfast on day 1 good going that is, fabulous start.
Somehow the porridge just doesn’t taste as nice but onwards and upwards, well downwards in the case of the scales them digits are far too high must of been out, I mean seriously that number is higher than the weight of some of the horses that ran in the Grand National but….. if I squint maybe it won’t seem too bad?
Passing up the mocha latte with mini choc chips and teeny marshmallows, so small there couldn’t possibly any calories in them, to savour my white tea so refreshing, so healthy, so bland mmm totally enjoying this, I mean who needs caffeine anyway right?
*Rises both hands and sobs*
Lunch has to be better right I will make a nice healthy salad, 1 sliced chicken breast, baby spinach, cucumber, tomatoes, sliced peppers, Oh yeah that sounds so good lets have dinner……
Oh wait it’s only 10:30 damn! Ok no problem I can do this I will have an apple, or 2 maybe a pear yeah that should keep me going. I will go the gym to kill time, no on second thoughts it’s raining maybe I should just wait till it stops good thinking wouldn’t want to get soaked would we and be all wet and hungry no way that’s a good combination.
You get through that first morning it’s all good isn’t it, I must of lost some weight, I have been the loo more times this morning than a pregnant woman with triplets tap dancing on the bladder for gods sake! Lets just check though just in case *sucks tummy in, and cheeks and bum and breath*
Made it through to dinner time today is feta, beetroot, salad leaves again and walnuts delicious genuinely this time, 4o’clock is the right time to have you last meal yeah? No? Not that I’m hungry or anything that noise isn’t coming from inside me must be a dog growling somewhere close by.
I’ll just have a timeout, watch a bit of t.v. Cake Boss is on that will be fine give me my sugar fix. I am absolutely positively not craving sugar right now, I do not want or need a bar of chocolate but so help me if you speak to me again this is not going to end well for any of us, YES I AM SURE I SHOULD BE WATCHING THIS PROGRAMME OK……
Keeping calm its all good.
Success I done it I have managed day one on my diet this is going to be an absolute doddle, a breeze well done me, think I will treat myself to that cake now…
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