Last week I was whiling away the hours on the sofa entering competitions, as you do, and I came across one to win a personalised Christmas plaque for your home. Entry was easy a facebook like and share and answer the question. Simples! Until I actually read the question……
“What name would you like on the plaque?”
Coming with various slogans on along the lines of ‘Merry Christmas from the ……….. family’ and herein lies the issue.
So I’m going to take a deep breath and say it really quick……. *sharp inhale of breath* and Olivia and I have different surnames!
Ours is a household of 2, me and little miss. With 2 different surnames. Totally unsuitable for a plaque of this kind and it got me thinking……. if I can’t even celebrate our family with something like this would this cause issue for other things too? And I have to admit it made me feel kinda sad.
Olivia has her dads name. It was always going to be that way. From the moment we found out I was pregnant. I had no real reason not to even though all my nieces have our family name I had no qualms about what surname Olivia was going to have, I mean it’s not like I was planning on splitting up with her dad that came years down the line. But still I have never really regretted as such.
I suppose you could call it the curse of single parent families, unmarried parents, children taking their fathers name. For a long time the hospital where she was born refused to accept she didn’t have my name as all babies are given mums surname if parents are unmarried but on the whole it didn’t really cause any issues for me. And Olivia sounds so much better with her surname than with mine anyway it rolls of the tongue easier!
While I don’t regret it I do get a pang of annoyance when people presume we have the same name like teachers at school, doctors, dentists etc but I suppose that’s all down to the fact that Olivia and I will never have the same name and it feels so strange. She is my daughter yet we will never share something as simple as that no matter how close we are the only part of our name we share is the same initial Tracey B and Olivia B. My sisters and I all still have the same surname something which Olivia will never experience should I ever *shudder* choose to reproduce again!
I suppose it could be worse, she could have the name of a father who wasn’t around so she is pretty lucky in that respect as I am sure the are children out the with parents who don’t deserve the honour of their children carrying on their family name, but it does make me feel proper guilty sometimes, like the time we went on a family holiday to Egypt and when booking, giving in everyone’s names it was the same surname all the way down (none of us are married) until we got to Olivia’s at the end eliciting an ” awww bless” from the travel agent.
Seriously though I don’t it bothers her half as much as it bothers me, I think she quite likes being different, she says she prefers her surname to mine but if I knew then what I know now I can’t honestly say she wouldn’t be Miss Olivia Bowden today but I suppose that’s the thing with hindsight…….. you only get after the fact!
Do your children have your surname? Or would you never contemplate giving them their dads name if you were unmarried?