There’s never an easy time to say goodbye to a loved one. That feeling of being left without an option but to accept that they’re gone feels unjust. Sort of like being locked out of your house and being told there is no replacement key, and you have just to move somewhere else and start again. You feel like the decisions being made about what is now permanent are stupid and should be reversed. When a loved one dies, there are so many things to think about, from sorting the loved one’s estate to the emotional impact alongside the funeral, it can be worth getting an estate attorney to help, so you only need to think about the actual logistics of the day and someone professional can deal with the legal side of things for you.

Well, they say there are five stages of grief, with denial being stage one. There’s no telling how long this stage will last, but the chances are that organising the funeral will have to happen while still in the throes of mentally processing events. Here’s what you need to know.

(First, however, there is the reality that some families need a lawyer when dealing with issues of wrongful death).

Funeral director

You will need to contact a funeral director. One of the first things that the funeral director will need to establish is the type of service you require. This could mean describing any family traditions or religious expectations of the service – including burial and cremation options. From this framework, the rest of the planning may take place (for example, funeral cars and coffin type if needed).

Having insurance funeral cover can help to take away some of the costs associated with funerals and allow you to focus on saying your last goodbyes rather than worrying about the price. This is something you can discuss with family members ahead of time.

Choosing the venue

Depending on expected numbers and whether you wish to lay on a buffet-style wake afterwards, the funeral venue may either need to offer all of the facilities you require or will need to be close to the wake venue. Common choices for funeral venues include religious places of worship, a crematorium, a home, or a hotel. 

The service itself

The funeral service comes with many considerations. For example, flowers, photos, and other decorations to be placed around the coffin during any readings will all need to be planned. The music choices will also need to be made. There’s no guidance on funeral music – choosing something favoured by the deceased will not always suit the musical tastes of all guests, but choosing something generic feels like you’d be letting your loved one down. Finding the middle ground on the choice of music can be difficult.  

The memorials

You’ll also need to think carefully about the memorials that you use. This could take the form of urns for ashes or wreaths, plaques, and caskets. You may also need to research how to choose a children and infant cremation urns, depending on the age of the person you’ve lost. There are plenty of resources online that you can look at, and you can also talk to funeral directors for their advice and options that you could potentially choose.

The wake

As mentioned, the wake may come with buffet requirements and will almost certainly involve booking a venue. Make sure that the venue is accessible to all guests – you may need to arrange transportation, as you cannot expect grieving members of your party who do not have access to a car to take public transport to the wake.