I’ve never really been an over achiever. In primary school, I was classed as bright. As an avid reader, I think most of this came from the pages of the books I devoured night, after night. My hangout of choice being the local library. Determined not to be destined to be average but to make my light shine brighter than ever before.
As I reached secondary school I was a bright light amongst a whole load of brighter lights and shining stars. My bright light dulled somewhat to a low glow on the dimmer switch. Mood lighting for when the full light was just too much. It was comfortable. Never being relied on to light the way for others. Creating a soft glow to enhance their shine. I left school with B’s and C’s acceptable to low light such as myself.
Am I Just Destined To Be Average?
Years have passed and on occasion, I have turned that dimmer switch up a notch but mostly I have relished living in the soft glow my light emits. Never pushing it. Refraining from turning the switch up to full beam. Until now.
The low light has become uncomfortable now. It’s hurting my eyes and I can’t shift the focus. I’m unable to see too far ahead or focus on what lies in front of me. I need to clearer vision, clearer focus to push through and find a path, because I’m pretty sure, somewhere along the way my light wasn’t bright enough to show me the right path. It’s dullness creating situations and scenarios that scared me from their place in the shadows. No full beam to cast the shadows away and show me the path wasn’t as bad as it looked. That if I had chosen that way, I could have made it.
So I took the path of least resistance, the one that appeared to be safe and trouble free. There I stayed, ambling along at a leisurely pace and everything looking rosy as the edge of the light hides and shielded me from any harsh realities from the world outside and placed me in a cocoon of my own making.
But like any butterfly, the time comes to spread your wings and leave the safety of the cocoon. It becomes time to flip the switch and find the brightness that my light was once capable of. To be able to see and choose a new path. One paved with better options than I will now be able to see. One that heralds new beginnings shining out from the light seeping through it.
With twists and turns and clearer directions that I choose and not happen upon because I’m too afraid to look into the distance. No longer am I happy with the precedent I once set for myself. No longer an I accepting that I can only do what my low light lets me see. There will be no more shadows, no stone left unturned and I plan on exploring every nook and cranny uncovered by my light.
I’m not scared anymore or afraid to explore. No more of not pushing myself and missing opportunities. Not only will I see them, but I will grab them with both hands. Despite not yet reaching its full beam I can already see clearer, I’m more focused and the foundations are being built as the light continues to fill the void.
And this time, I will not be turning it down!