Fiction

Be Careful What You Wish For p3

Before you go any further this is part 3 of my new short story series. If you would like to get a better idea of what is happening you may want to read part one and part two first or after up to you. Enjoy!

What would you do if you made a flippant wish and awoke the next day to find it had come true? Is perfection really all it’s cracked up to be and is the grass really greener on the other side? Caitlyn thought she knew what she wanted, and absolutely didn’t want going on in her family but who would they all be if all their flaws and imperfections were gone and Caitlyn finally had the family she thought she always wanted?

be careful what you wish for p3

The Double Dose.

Uncatergorised 

posted 12 July 2015 by admin

There is something not right. It’s all changed, you need to help me, please. I know you will all think this is another one of my fabulous twin stories but I’m imploring you to listen to help me, please.

I haven’t slept for nearly 4 days now. There is something in my house. It is not a someone, it is a something and it is in my house. Oh god, I sound like a crazy woman don’t I but I’m not something is here.

I can feel it all the time now. At first, it was just when I was alone. I thought I was going crazy. I wish I was going crazy. Then I would know it’s not real, but you have to believe me, I am desperate now. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep living like this.

It all started on my birthday, you all remember when I gushed about how beautiful and thoughtful the girls were. You know with the whole balloons and banner and breakfast thing. I thought it was some sort of getting older initiation thing, I really did. Like the girls tricking me to make me feel like I was going insane. But I really think they are. They have changed. My girls have gone.

They look like my girls. But they are not my twins in any other way.

Beautiful sweet Evelyn. Evelyn, Evelyn, Evelyn. She used to be so cool and calm with her braids in. Did I ever tell she does her own? Because she can, the most beautiful braids would come flowing down her back and all the little girls in the road would knock and ask her to do their hairs too. ‘I want Elsa’s hair’ they would say to her and never once would she refuse. If they wanted to look like princesses Evelyn was their girl. Maddie was the girl who made them feel cool. Oh, my Maddie. Maddie quite possibly taught them all their first swear words and had singlehandedly taught them the art of the perfect eyeliner flick for the school disco.

Their personalities shone through their identical appearance. Only now all that is gone. They are vanilla. Bland in their unison. The same. As one. Identical in every way. How does that happen to people is it even possible? Can you just erase who you are and become someone else? Because they have you know. Not one iddy biddy trace of who they were remained. Washed away and diluted into the girls I live with today. I think this something in my house has done something to them!

See what I mean, am I going crazy? I hope I am, I really do. But something is nagging me deep inside. There is a voice screaming at me inside my head that this is all my fault. I done this. I caused this. I turned my babies into demons, because that’s what they are, I can feel it in my bones. Like a hand gripping onto my heart every time I see them and never letting go, I have become their puppet and they are playing with me. I’m not going to win.

But it is all my fault you know. I have done this to them you see. Two weeks before my birthday I said something. In front of the girls. Something awful. Maddie’s eyes flashed with fury and I regretted it the second it came out of my mouth. But I said it and I can’t take it back. I said ‘I wish you girls would just stop this nonsense and be the perfect girls I wanted you to be and do as you are told for once in your lives’

I remember vividly the pain and anger in their eyes. Maddie biting her lip, resolutely refusing to let me see her cry as she bundled a sobbing Evelyn out of the kitchen and into their childhood bedroom from which they refused to leave despite there being an empty bedroom across the hall. All I could do was stand there in shock. And I did for almost 4 hours. My heart broken from the looks on their innocent faces trying to digest the information that they weren’t good enough for their own mum. The shame eats at me daily.

Slowly they came round. I apologised profusely. They stopped dropping their coats in the hallway when they came home. Their shoes never once failed to find their way back to their racking and almost instantly I noticed them not needing me to do anything for them. They cooked and cleaned. They done their homework and not once did they upset each other. It was like those words shot them in their hearts and turned out the light. Maddie and Evelyn still continued to look like Maddie and Evelyn but their essence had died that day and I was the one who struck the killing shot. They were now the perfect girls I told them to be, who I thought I wanted them to be. I really should have been more careful about what I wished for. I want to go back. Back to that day, to that time and to stop myself from being so stupid, so careless with my words and to embrace them for who they are, who they were.

Because I wished my girls away, the something in my house made it come true and took my girls from me. You do believe me don’t you?


Caitlyn sat there with her finger over publish. She needed help she couldn’t do this alone. Yet she hesitated when it came to letting the world know that something really bad was happening to her. The ‘thing’ that was there watching her every move. From the girls fake and too good to be true smiles, to their perfect behaviour. Something was off and even she doubted her own sanity these days.

‘Mum’ came the question from the doorway ‘are you ok?’

Caitlyn shot up in her chair as she realised the girls where home. She spun round to face them from her makeshift desk that was once an antique sideboard. After a quick upcycle from herself and the twins one wet Sunday afternoon it was now her desk and took pride of place in the centre of her office sitting atop her white Persian rug, although she still had doubts to it’s authenticity if she was honest with herself. Right now she cursed the fact that she preferred to look out at the view as oppose to the doorway thus creating this situation and a panic that the girls had seen exactly what she was writing. Talk about fanning the flames.

No one was there. Caitlyn, not for the first time this week, felt her blood turn to ice. The girls were overnight at a friends birthday party and she had been home alone all day. The voice wasn’t Maddie’s as it had sounded. Her reaction proof of the exact replica of Maddie’s tone, the voice belonged to someone else. To something else. Caitlyn was right something else was in this house.

So………………. how are feeling with this development? I wrote this part 4 times. I struggled to get into the story when and how she made the wish and the impact it had on her and the twins. I felt the only way I could truly get her desperation across was through writing it as if I was her and the best way for me to do that was to write it in blog post form, in Caitlyn’s blog. I thought I had it all figured out and I missed my one week deadline with this but it wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to let you all down. Honestly this isn’t my favourite part of this story and I still haven’t answered many questions. Part 4 may answer them and I really hope to see you again. As always tips, thoughts, constructive criticism is always appreciated. Leave me a comment and let me know below 🙂

 

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18 Comments

  1. Agent Spitback

    August 21, 2016 at 10:01 am

    Goosebumps! Don’t leave me hanging on…..for more….

  2. Verily Victoria Vocalises

    August 10, 2016 at 6:56 pm

    This is getting better and better. Towards the beginning of this instalment I started to think that I might have guessed what was happening but then, at the end, you managed to turn it on it’s head again! Fantastic!! Thank you for linking to Prose for Thought x

  3. A Moment With Franca

    July 30, 2016 at 5:28 pm

    I really like the effect of writing the character as her at the start. I really felt her desperation. I also felt scared at the end! I like your explanation of your thoughts at the end too. I’m really looking forward to read part 4 and I expecting lots of supernatural stuff coming up! 😉 Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS lovely, xx

  4. Vai Chin @Rambling Through Parenthood

    July 27, 2016 at 10:47 am

    Wow! I had a shiver running down my spine as I read this. The build-up is terrific. #prose4T

  5. Nursery Whines

    July 25, 2016 at 8:01 am

    Oooh, this story has really taken a turn. It is getting spooky!

  6. Madeline (This Glorious Life)

    July 22, 2016 at 2:55 pm

    Oooh, that was really quite creepy to read as I’m sat here home alone! Fab read, I’m really curious what’ll happen next! x #KCACOLS

  7. https://www.mumaontheedge.com

    July 22, 2016 at 6:43 am

    Great read! Nice to have some escapism!
    #whatimwriting x

  8. Turning Up In Devon

    July 21, 2016 at 9:30 pm

    Ooh I do like some suspense, and not knowing what is in the house, really eery at the end?? #whatimwriting

  9. Sara | mumturnedmom

    July 21, 2016 at 3:11 pm

    I’m really enjoying this story, just caught up on Part 2 as well 🙂 Looking forward to the next part… brilliant stuff xx #whatimwriting

  10. Marija Smits

    July 21, 2016 at 12:00 pm

    An enjoyable read and I liked the way you built the tension. All the best with your writing. 🙂

  11. Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love)

    July 21, 2016 at 10:28 am

    I think switching to the first person voice was very effective at getting over Caitlyn’s fear and desperation over – and it adds to the tension already building in this story. I’m looking forward to reading what part 4 will bring! #prose4T

  12. Maddy@writingbubble

    July 19, 2016 at 10:07 pm

    I think the blog post was a really effective way of getting her desperation across – scary stuff! Looking forward to part 3 now! Thanks for sharing with #whatImWriting. xx

  13. Rebecca Ann Smith

    July 19, 2016 at 12:08 pm

    Really enjoyed reading this. I like the way a very plausible real-life situation tips into something sinister and supernatural. Looking forward to reading more.

  14. James Hopes

    July 18, 2016 at 12:03 am

    Blimey!! Will be interesting to see what happens next!! #KCACOLS

  15. backwithabump.co.uk

    July 17, 2016 at 9:08 pm

    What a great read!! #kcacls

  16. The Speed Bump

    July 17, 2016 at 8:10 pm

    Love it! You build tension perfectly; I love your writing! (I also like your choice in names! 😉 ) #KCACOLS

  17. Jo smith

    July 17, 2016 at 7:43 pm

    Honestly thought she was about to crack, delve into a psychotic state! Had me holding my breath reading this part. Love the tension and mystery! X

  18. Cheryl @ ReimerandRuby

    July 17, 2016 at 6:55 pm

    Wow! what a cliffhanger… it’s very interesting! #KCACOLS

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